my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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