meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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