some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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