I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I need a beard to bite.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
