brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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