He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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