she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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