He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
