I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
