Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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