Betty ford says i'm here all night
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
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