I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
