I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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