I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
