I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
