girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
