bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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