True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
