we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
