hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Randomize
