some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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