Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
