you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Randomize
