I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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