I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
