lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize