using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
