I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
