wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
