Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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