I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
