I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
