Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
