just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
