He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
