He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I lost the right to judge tonight
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
