so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
