my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
