Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
