i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
