My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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