All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
