Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
And then the night went full on bisexual.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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