She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
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I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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