Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
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