All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
My feet surprised me
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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