A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Randomize
