note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
