I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
