my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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