2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
