Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
