Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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