remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
