apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
