Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
