I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.