True but thats because hes a fetus.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.