sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
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About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.