I accidentally burped into my bong.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
