I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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