Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
