went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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