Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
