i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
my phone needs a breathalizer
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
