im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
