Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I'm going to jail i love you
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
