it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
it was like eating out sand paper
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
